It's Really About You, Putting Them First That Is

"So, we should be sure everyone learns our behavioral style so they know how to treat us, right?" said a gentleman in the seminar I was conducting. Well, this is not quite the right idea. Actually it's the other way around. You'll find you're not as frustrated or confused when you "Get It". Getting it means you take up the challenge to figure out the style of the person you're relating to, then adapt your behavior to meet their needs. The more you adapt to honor the style of the people you relate to in business or at home, the more you'll see others are doing the same for you.


To learn the characteristics of each behavioral style, write me, and I'll send you a free white paper describing each style.

Part II The "High S" Boss

If you can't handle the low-key environment where you have a boss displaying "High S" tendencies, take notes! When approaching the "High S" tone it down and slow it down! Sit or stand at their level, not over them, but with them. "WITH" is the main emphasis. And give them space to feel comfortable. When broaching a subject, ask a question. For instance, "Jan, do you think there are enough contractors for this job? I wonder if we would be better equipped to get back on our time schedule with more help?" Remember that making emphatic, direct statements may shut them down. Instead of confrontation, try making it a conversation. You just might be surprised at how perceptive they can be. I had one "High D", (clearly a dynamic driven go-getter) report back to me some time after a seminar I had conducted, that he quit doing all the talking and was literally shocked to learn just how smart the people were around him, and how much they knew. He said, "I had no idea! I was shocked." Never before had he realized this, as he had always dominated the conversations while setting the agenda: his. By learning to ask questions, and then listen, he discovered a whole New World of people around him that he had never before given the chance to participate in conversations, much less decision making. One of the principle goals in understanding behavioral styles is to relate to others in a way that allows them to come out of their shell and be heard! Why not try adapting your style to them for a change? In doing so you will gain a powerful new skill - that of honoring others above yourself.

Part I The "High S" Boss and How To Relate

They're kind, considerate, and nice. But, they don't like waves. No, let me be more accurate, they hate waves, and will avoid them AT ALL COST. Oh yes, did I mention your bringing up a problem in the office, or sharing your concern, to them is considered a wave? Approachable, they are the most congenial of all the behavioral styles. Am I biased? Absolutely; I married one who displays mostly "High S" behaviors. But, back to you. You may be frustrated, things aren't moving as fast as you want. And, you would definitely lay the law down if you were in charge, but face it, you're not. So what do you do? First off, be grateful. You have a master negotiator who lives to create teams and have peace. Why, office life to them is a prototype of the family, and inclusion is a value to be reckoned with. This is a time to build the cohesion of the team, and to learn to value the contributions that your colleagues bring to the table. Things may not move fast, but they will consistently, safely stay at status quo, while possibly moving ahead. If you can, decide to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere. One way to cope is to pour your energy into something else, a hobby or club, someplace where you can take the lead if need be.

Getting the Attention of a "High D" Boss

So you want to present an idea or proposal to your boss, and he/she's "High D". How do you do it in such a way that it is not only received, but implemented? First, lose your ego. Give them the idea in a way that they can own it as if they thought of it themselves. Don't know how to do this? Check out "How To Win Friends and Influence People." Other "best practices" for these direct, dynamic, decisive, type "A" personalities: 1. Get their attention. This may be difficult, since they multi-task as if training on a marathon. 2. Be creative, you could take a walk, or ride with them in a car to catch them in-between things. Once you have their attention, be brief and amazing, you'll only have a moment. And know your stuff, they have a keen sense of what will and won't work. If not you'll be dropped as quickly as a cell phone call, so don't give too much detail, they'll zone out. A great tactic is to get their opinion, or what they would do. This engages them, hopefully making them think instead of react, and you'll quickly know where your proposal is going. Above all, don't take anything personally, because they are blunt, and can be brutal. They say what they mean and mean what they say. And decisions, they make them before a microwave can go off, and you probably haven't even shared all the important facts. Is your proposal really important, will it generate a serious bottom line? Then if you think you're losing them, tell them THEY CAN'T DO IT, or, "You know, this probably won't work". You've just thrown the gauntlet down. They can't stand to miss a challenge, or prove something can be done that everyone else thinks can't. You'll have them. They'll throw themselves into the project like a bulldog on a cat. As you can see, it's an art to present to a "High D". Remeber, Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance! You may take hours to prepare what takes two minutes to present. It's worth it if they can catch the vision!

Survival People Skills in the Workplace - Approaching the "High C" Boss

I had someone ask me the other day how to approach their boss with a proposal. Learning that they displayed "High C" tendencies, I explained that first off, they don't like interruptions or surprises, so schedule an appointment. Be sure you're prepared, remember they live this Boy Scout motto, so you should as well. Compile your figures correctly, put your paperwork in order, and have a compendium of details for their review. After all this, remember to leave the paperwork with them for their thorough examination, not expecting an answer on the spot. And do give them a deadline to get back with you with an answer, or they will examine and re-examine the material forever.
Does this work? You bet it does. Honor the way the "High C" needs to be approached, and how they best process information, and you'll find they'll be brilliant in their decisions and execution. Most of all, ‘Be Prepared’. Their first reaction to almost anything will be to minutely dissect, and then logically point out the frailties of your plan. Since their style is programmed to discern, change and fix what won’t work, it’s not meant to discourage you, or be negative. They are long-term thinkers that are assisting all of us count the cost before we dive headlong into one of our hair-brained ideas. Listening to them, and heading their warnings could just save you hundreds of thousands of dollars. On the other hand, they would never throw caution to the wind, so take their points lightly and be sure to go for your dream, if you can.

Do you have a story about your boss’s style? We’d love to hear it!