Adapting Your Style Will Reduce Conflict

Not even knowing it, we can run roughshod right over our friends and loved ones. I ought to know, I've done it many times myself, and without meaning to, I'm sure I'll do it again. As a "High D/I" in my style, when my husband and I would make a decision, well I was ready to do it, well, RIGHT NOW of course. It wasn't until I understood that he, being "S/C " needed time to think, contemplate, process, count the cost, adjust and just plain get use to the idea of doing something new, that I was able to honor him. Springing anything on an "S" or a "C", no matter how good, practical, or fun it may be, causes them stress and throws them out of kilter. I've know learned that I have to prepare my husband, through lots of time and conversation, whether it's going on a vacation or buying a new piece of furniture. Remember, they value things "STAYING THE SAME". They don't like change, whereas I live for it, and create as much of it wherever I go as possible. Loving new things, new ways of doing things, new friends, new routes to drive, new places to go, all energize me. But if you're married to a "High C", as I am, that is diametrically the opposite of how they want, and need things to be. My father, who was off the chart "High C" had a schedule he kept on a daily basis that would have killed me. He ate the same food for breakfast and lunch every day, went to the same restaurant each week for 30 years, had the same routine mapped, out in advance, for his garden. As well, he kept the same friends, just a few, his whole life. To regenerate, a "High C" likes to BE ALONE, read a book, do something artistic. They love down time. For a "D" it's diving into a project, one of their thousand they have going. For the "S" it's taking a nap, kicking back, hanging out with the family. For the "High I" it's being around people and having a party. Can you see how our needs and values clash? I've even learned that if I'm working with an executive that has "C" tendencies, that even changing a meeting time can throw the rest of their day off. Keeping consistency and at all cost continuity is a way of valuing their style. Is it "right"? There is no right or wrong in this. And, hopefully they're learning my style so they will understand how to relate and honor me. As well, all of us need to learn to adapt our style to meet the needs of the other person we're relating to. We all need to learn flexibility and not demand the other person to well, do it "MY" way. If each person takes the time to learn the behavioral styles of the people in their circle of influence, and then consciously adapt their style to meet their needs, we will eliminate many of the bickering, arguing, and contention in our homes, as well as in our workplace.

What Age Can You Perceive One's Behavioral Style?

My adorable toddler grandson, Caleb, builds towers with his blocks with such intensity and focus you’d think he had a contract to fill, and deadline to hit. We’ve seen him do this with other toys as well, he’s just a take-charge little guy. As well, he has to have his “people time” every day or he gets rather cranky. My daughter tells me that he loves going to the grocery store, because all the people walking by stop to talk to him, and does he love that! In fact, she goes somewhere just about every day. He brightens up and is energized by a crowd where ever he goes. In fact, during a party at their home recently, you would have thought Caleb was on a stage. He did little dance rocking movements just to make everyone laugh. Has it been his environment that created this? I don’t think so, it’s just who he is. Now, I don’t advocate mentally profiling children and announcing your findings. In fact, when my children were in Jr. High they begged me to tell them their Behavioral Style, and I just wouldn’t. I believe you should always give children room to grow, change, and develop their personalities without any stereotypes placed on them. I find all of this fascinating. I can’t wait to watch Caleb grow and develop. I’m sure this won’t be the last time you’ll hear about him.

Change A Habit and Change Your Life

I was breaking out like a teenager. For over a year and a half I caked on foundation makeup, trying to hide all the ghastly blemishes. Then one day I bought a moisturizing cream that was on sale, and within a week I noticed I wasn’t breaking out, NOT ONE BIT. What made the difference? I discovered that any kind of make-up with oil in it caused my face to erupt looking like the Grand Canyon. One small, simple change, and I felt physically, as well as emotionally better. I’m convinced this dilemma would have been solved so much sooner had I gone to a professional in cosmetology, and had a needs assessment done on my skin. You know, I encounter the same thing with my coaching clients. People don’t realize that an outside view-in can detect the need for small alterations that which can make a world of difference in how one relates to those around them. The knowledge of DISC can provide this kind of dramatic change! I can’t tell you the amount of people that come to me and tell me how much more congenial and satisfying their relationships are now that they use DISC. Along with training on the proper use of DISC, as well coaching to hold you accountable for changing, you can more than doubles your success in relating to people. Don’t wait until things are out of control. Click on the tab on the upper right had side of this blog and you can receive your free introductory coaching session. Then once you learn DISC, judge for yourself how effective it is.