Adapting Your Style Will Reduce Conflict

Not even knowing it, we can run roughshod right over our friends and loved ones. I ought to know, I've done it many times myself, and without meaning to, I'm sure I'll do it again. As a "High D/I" in my style, when my husband and I would make a decision, well I was ready to do it, well, RIGHT NOW of course. It wasn't until I understood that he, being "S/C " needed time to think, contemplate, process, count the cost, adjust and just plain get use to the idea of doing something new, that I was able to honor him. Springing anything on an "S" or a "C", no matter how good, practical, or fun it may be, causes them stress and throws them out of kilter. I've know learned that I have to prepare my husband, through lots of time and conversation, whether it's going on a vacation or buying a new piece of furniture. Remember, they value things "STAYING THE SAME". They don't like change, whereas I live for it, and create as much of it wherever I go as possible. Loving new things, new ways of doing things, new friends, new routes to drive, new places to go, all energize me. But if you're married to a "High C", as I am, that is diametrically the opposite of how they want, and need things to be. My father, who was off the chart "High C" had a schedule he kept on a daily basis that would have killed me. He ate the same food for breakfast and lunch every day, went to the same restaurant each week for 30 years, had the same routine mapped, out in advance, for his garden. As well, he kept the same friends, just a few, his whole life. To regenerate, a "High C" likes to BE ALONE, read a book, do something artistic. They love down time. For a "D" it's diving into a project, one of their thousand they have going. For the "S" it's taking a nap, kicking back, hanging out with the family. For the "High I" it's being around people and having a party. Can you see how our needs and values clash? I've even learned that if I'm working with an executive that has "C" tendencies, that even changing a meeting time can throw the rest of their day off. Keeping consistency and at all cost continuity is a way of valuing their style. Is it "right"? There is no right or wrong in this. And, hopefully they're learning my style so they will understand how to relate and honor me. As well, all of us need to learn to adapt our style to meet the needs of the other person we're relating to. We all need to learn flexibility and not demand the other person to well, do it "MY" way. If each person takes the time to learn the behavioral styles of the people in their circle of influence, and then consciously adapt their style to meet their needs, we will eliminate many of the bickering, arguing, and contention in our homes, as well as in our workplace.